Kara Howell

One Step Forward – Great News and Not So Good News

The Great News


Sorry, I have to be raw about this, but it just happened yesterday as my first post went live, this blissful news fluttered in quietly through an email yesterday afternoon. I of course called my mother first, who cheered for me and as much as I wanted to cry tears of joy, my body couldn’t shake the smile and relax my eyes enough to allow any tears. Kinda strange, I could feel the tears in my face and the pressure to let them out in my throat. But even without tears, I was able to fully enjoy the elation of being told “Congratulations!” – Who doesn’t like that feeling? You knew you could do it, but it’s great to be affirmed, isn’t it?

Confession: I squealed and jumped up and down and onto the bed and ran around the house and outside making strange noises. Jax and Kylie (two dogs that live here) looked at me and tilted their head in that confused look dogs give.

I celebrated with my boyfriend with obligatory celebratory food – pizza, soda, and my favorite – Greek salad with a crap ton of red onions and feta. The only thing the Greek salad has wrong – is olives. I know, it’s Greek, but whatever, I tossed every olive I found.

SO – the actual job!

It’s with a growing online magazine called Society South and I am absolutely thrilled to be part of their staff writing team! The magazine has a great millennial vibe and is full of solid content. I won’t ramble too much about it, but encourage you to take a peak at it. After all, it is my new job, you’ll probably be getting plugged with a few posts relating to my work there.

I still can’t believe it. I will be writing for my job. It’s a true dream come true. That’s all I can really say. My work will not only be read by close friends or trusted colleagues, but by a public eye that can be merciless – that fact absolutely thrills me.

The Not So Good News

As I went about my afternoon with my boyfriend and we ran errands, I was shaky with sheer delight and laughter. I felt like I could breathe a bit easier, I felt that proverbial weight lifted from my shoulders and I just felt a genuine joy for everything around me. But in my ecstasy, I received “that” news. My friend of the better part of over 10 years has cancer. Out of respect for this individual, I won’t reveal more than that. I can’t even talk about the conversation we had because he/she would rather keep this private news for as long as he/she can. I completely understand and I respect that decision.

It was a pretty huge blow to my heart though. I was even in the middle of laughing about something, probably stupid or not-laugh worthy – but I saw the message and it felt like one of those slow-motion transitions you see in movies, in which the emotions are captured slowly, the movements feel static and still, and you have to wait a long time to process exactly what is happening. That’s what getting that news felt like.

Confession: I got angry and wanted to throw my phone.

I told my boyfriend, who is not friends with this individual as I am, but knew the effect this news had on me. We got out of the car at our next stop and gave me a huge hug. Strange, I wanted to cry, I could feel the tears behind my eyes and the pressure in my throat to let it out, but it couldn’t come. Maybe it was in the manner that which the news was delivered to me. It was calm, it was steady and gentle, very much like the person themselves. I know he/she would not have wanted me to react harshly or rashly, despite the blow.  Even now, I am not sure how to react, there are some real concerns with this person’s situation, yet he/she is really taking it well. I guess for now, I adopt his/her outlook on it and let it be. Staying as positive and upbeat about my life which will hopefully allow him/her feel the positive vibes.

All in all – a Good Day.

Even with the downing news, it made me realize how much I value this individual and appreciate what he/she means to my life. I guess that sort of sentiment sounds cliche, but it doesn’t make it less true for me. Also, got a job, so – can’t stay down long, especially when I shared the happy news with this person and he/she was just as excited for me 🙂 This person has seen me go through a lot, so it’s great to see his/her response to the going’s-on in my life.

That’s about it for the day. More of a journal/diary/blog post – but it had to do with writing, so it counts. – It’s the “…” moment as I eagerly await for things to take off as I continue my pursuits as a writer!


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